This is my third fall that I haven’t gone back to school. It seems to be getting easier but I still get a little sad. While I know that being at home and raising my girls is exactly where I need to be, it is hard to let go of my teacher identity.
The back to school ads and school supply sales that used to give me a panic attack in July now make me a little sad that I don’t need to stock up on ten cent crayons.
Seeing cute classroom decorations in the teacher magazines that still come to my house (didn’t they get the memo that I am a stay at home mom now??) make me miss picking out a theme for my room each year.
Trying to jam in lunch dates with my former colleagues before they go back to work in September makes me sad knowing that summer has gone so fast and that soon they will be too busy with the beginning of year to call, text or meet for lunch.
Seeing awesome units on Teachers Pay Teachers makes me sad that I didn’t know about that site when I was in the classroom and sad knowing I have no reason to purchase them. For now.
Teaching will always be there. I know this. My daughters will never be this age again. I’ll have more years to go back to school in the fall but I’ll never have my kids this young again. So I’m going to enjoy it. Even when I’m missing the old me. My former identity. My former passion.
I’m so grateful to have discovered TpT so that I can still use my teacher brain, be creative, stay on top of trends in education and connect with others in a way I never did when I was in the classroom.
I’m grateful that when I am sick or my girls are sick that I don’t have to go into work and write 10 pages of sub plans all the while hoping no one sees me in my yoga pants and baseball hat.
I’m grateful that I’m not missing any first steps, first words or other milestones because I’m at work.
I’m grateful to have the option to be a SAHM. I know so many women (and men) would love the chance to do what I do. I’m so lucky and blessed. I know this. I forget this but I know this.
I’m grateful for this season of my life. Yes, I get sad. Yes, I miss teaching but not as much as I’d miss my little ones if I was at work.
I seem to miss teaching the most in the fall. The anticipation of the new year. Setting up a new classroom that is clean and organized. Full of ideas of what to do differently this year. What to try. What to make better. What success from the year before can I replicate.
And then reality sets in. I remember all the parts about being a teacher that were frustrating. The things that made my job hard. The things that had nothing to do with being in the classroom with my kids. The paperwork. The politics. The reports.
And suddenly my teacher friends come out of their beginning of the year bliss and I hear from them again and they remind me of why I am so lucky to be at home. Report cards. Conferences. State testing. Observations. Reports. Meetings. I don’t miss that. I miss my classroom and teaching my students but that became the smallest part of my job. Those are the things that made it easier to walk away.
Fall will probably always be a little hard for me. But then I’ll load the girls up and take them to the zoo or to the apple orchard and I’ll forget all about it. Or maybe we will just stay in our pajamas. All day. Because I can do that now!